Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
