okay pat passed out under dana's car
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
