ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
