Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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