I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will pee on everything he values.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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