I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
