Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
