my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
