Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
