I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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