the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
