So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
