Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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