im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
