**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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