my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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