if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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