and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
