one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
