i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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