....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
