I'm gonna have a badass scar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
