he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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