The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
