i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
