my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
