Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
