You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
