All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
