he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
