I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
