oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
