It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
