My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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