This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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