I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
