Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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