it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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