It's Friday. Sex?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
