i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
