Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We have started to decorate penises.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
