I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
