Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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