If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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