An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
