so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
