my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
