1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
