So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
