I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
