my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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