Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
