between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
