i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
