He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
