Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
