you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
