I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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