its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
